new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
there's a photo set of like seven dicks covered in glitter....i don't know what to do
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
You kept chewing on the empty milk carton and saying "kitty" over and over again. It was an interesting night.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
last night I used snow as a chaser
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