He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
Omg just opened my passenger side door and my outfit from last night is on the floorboard.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
