The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
right before he passed out he said "take care of your tender spirit"
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
I wiped my mouth this morning with a pine tree branch after I threw up on the side of the road. Tis the season
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
