I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
THERE ARE ENTIRELY TOO MANY HOT UNDERAGE GIRLS HERE FOR THIS TO REMAIN LEGAL.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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