His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
