I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
conclusion of the day: americans need to get on tredmills, people need to learn how to flush toliets and learn how to pee in then instead of on them, and waiters shouldnt tell their life stories to customers.
and next time when you feel me up, do it right
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I'm at a party with half naked strippers driving in a little kids battery powered mustang around a stipper pole in his bedroom
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
Randomize
