so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
I cant. I'm trying to smell my vagina.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He tried to make eye contact, he should know by now that freaks me out
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
Randomize
