1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Just had to kick my 26 yr old boyfriend out of my bed before getting the kids up for school. Have I mentioned being 41 doesn't suck as much as all the hype.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
I'm going to need to invest in some knee pads if I keep having nights like tonight
I'm stuck on a cliff. I'm not sure how I got here or how to get down. Please send help. And clothes.
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