Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
It's very rude to dive mouth-first into someone's crotch without knowing if their wife is cool with it.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
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