don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
Overall win. We all know who got to sleep on the concrete outside of Denny's with you.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'll be in my room with a breakfast burrito at 2:30. It's up to you...
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
woke up to my little sister's best-friend's boyfriend in my bed, but how's your saturday going?
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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