Is it possible to jerk off a nipple?
Not everyone can get ass. Some people are good at building rockets. You’re good at sleeping with many men. It’s an art.
If God had a period, it would result in diet faygo redpop
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
Found your dick twin last night
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
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