this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
I literally stabbed myself so I had a valid reason to get out of having sex with her
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
It started out as friends with benefits and now I'm picking up her kids from daycare...what has happened to me
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
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