Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
On a side note, I now know what a $150 cab ride looks like
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
Please explain the hospital band on my wrist.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
