So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
I HAVE stop dating guys for their prescriptions, you have no idea how awkward family dinner was. Thank god for his xanax.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
This morning confirmed it...there's no maybe about it. She definitely wasn't born with it. It was definitely the Maybelline.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
Randomize
