Non-Jews are for practice
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
I lost a little respect for your boyfriend when I learned that he has a scar from a Cheerio.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
My mom just busted me rolling a blunt on her bathroom counter. ...all she said was fuck it it's Christmas
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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