would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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