Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
I guess I just got drunk and ordered a mini fridge off the internet. At least now I know the 200$ that was missing from my checking account wasn't spent on lap dances only.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
He said i looked like a shooting star sprawled out on the floor while i puked and i kept blaming "senor cuervo" for doing me dirty.
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
Gong!
YOU'RE MARRIED NOW YOU CAN'T KEEP GONGING ME WHEN YOU GET LAID IT DOESN'T COUNT
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
