i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Nothing tops off the night like giving emotional and spiritual guidance to a 70 year old transvestite.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
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