I was thinking about him in the shower then i get out of the shower and there was a text from him
its like he has a camera inside of my shower that looks into my brain
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
The saltiness of my tears mix perfectly with the tequila.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
She makes walking on a treadmill look like a porno. I wish I could send over shots as an ice breaker.
That's effing brilliant. We should start a business.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
Boobs speak an international language.
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
I just swiped right for a guy on Tinder solely because it looked like he was holding Zoboomafoo
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Randomize
