Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
You guys need to get along, there is no need for a pissing contest...We're all fucking each others ex's.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Randomize
