READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
I just tried to text you by typing "whoa" into my contacts.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Sorry for face licking, I probably won't do it again.
Also, I love cats. I sat on the floor and they sat with me.
Randomize
