boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
The glockenspiel player has some booze though so hopefully the ride won't be that bad
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
Randomize