There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Tim john just told us the story about him losing his virginity at 14 during church on the emergency exit staircase. This is day drinking?
Update. He just picked me up and tried to demonstrate
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
I don’t have the time, patience, or blood alcohol level to deal with her.
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