he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
Just toasted a glass of brandy with my own reflection to my dimples. Why are you not here?
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
Am I over stepping my bounds if I ask to fuck in your new bathroom?
It has heated floors
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'd have to have a ring. Like I don't want to be called "the ex girlfriend that shit on me"
My law teacher drew an elephant on the board in class. I was so high that I laughed for 5 minutes straight. Nobody else laughed and everyone stared. 130 people knew I was high.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
