omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
The slot machines are wishing me happy birthday. Mission success.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
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