i'm 85% sure that if you don't visit me i will do something awkward and potentially dangerous to you in your sleep involving chocolate milk and a sham-wow.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
What's the plan?
Not sure. I think I'll take a dump on his windshield.
I’m looking forward to our Cougar years. These freshmen know how to fuck
Randomize
