I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
i just rolled a joint on the giving tree. that book has given me so much.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
