my soul wont recognize me after tonight
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Anything that's based on a blow job I'm in favor of.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
I had her number in my wallet, I was sitting on a winning ticket for the blowjob lottery and didn't know
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
I just had a drunk lesbian experience.... How do I break it to my boyfriend??
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize