I can't watch pbs sober anymore
don't read that magazine bro. I came in it
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
this is the fifth day in a row i've woken up after 3 pm, hungover. I might die when snowmageddon is finally over and we have to go back to class. my liver wont know how to take it.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
