just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
FYI my mom is sending thanksgiving "samples" of her fancy pot stash for us this weekend. I bring the BEST family leftovers.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
