umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
i no longer even have beer goggles. i'm pretty sure i blacked out and had beer lasik.
Well hello freshman 15, didn't see you there until I tried on last years summer clothes.
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
No. No, there is no forgiveness for this. The only way I'm forgiving you for this is if you somehow convince your sister to have sex with me. In her car.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Her grandmother had a handicap stair lift. I just put her drunk ass on it and let her ride it up. Thank God for broken hips.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
Randomize