im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
nutella sex= disaster
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He tried to make an olympic torch by lighting a corona box on top of a pool cleaner.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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