New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
Please make the clown in the corner stop judging me. I mean he's the one with paint on his face. I don't need him judge judying me.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
This is a friendly reminder to try not to shit on the toilet seat. If our 4 year old can manage it, I think you can too.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
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