i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
its friday night, im aone in my apartment and eating 2 year expired canned fruit, naked. i'm not single or anything..
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
We're gonna be late. Scott went too far predrinking amd tried pierce his own lip with a poptab. Save me a beer, i'm gonna need it.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I’m turning 34 on Friday and I feel like the only thing I’ve accomplished in life so far is getting into pissing matches with clients
I kinda realized titty fucking is purely for our enjoyment, they dont really get much out of it, except for a guy sitting on them and and a dick bouncing of their chin
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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