I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
just watched an entire episode so you think you can dance for head. so wasn't worth it
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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