I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
Seriously you have a sixth sense. You woke up out of a nap to tell us all to check the clock and it was 4:18. You're like the spiderman of smoking weed.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
Split a bottle of Johnny Walker and then decided to eat a shit ton of peanut butter. That was a rough bed to wake up in
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
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