There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
so i was pissing and the phone rang but i forgot i was pissing so i just ran to answer the phone. it was too late when i realized
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I just hit myself in the face while taking off my shirt. I could never be a stripper.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
