Maybe I lied like you did about your herpes.
I'm pretty sure he jizzed in his pants, and no it wasn't even half as funny as that song.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
It reminded me of the time my mother gave my Bailey's in my stocking when I was 14.
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
There's always time for handjobs
So I'm trying to figure out if starting the day running around the quad in a black t-shirt and bikini w/ a drawn on mustache is a good way to start the day...
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
