see... this is why i put birth control in all my friends drinks
wait.... you do what?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Enjoy the penises
I woke up at 6:30 in the morning on the A train on 14th street. You wouldn't know anything about that right?
Its nights like last night that make me want to high five my liver.
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
Randomize
