I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I received a letter in the mail from my ex equipped with a used condom,dirt, some hair, and a nude portrait of myself.
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Had a job interview today. Walked into the room and said "IT'S GO TIME, BITCHES".
Randomize
