she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I'LL COME GET YOU. GOTTA FIND A SUIT THAT COVERS TIT BRUISES FIRST.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
Randomize
