I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
It's sad that I have started checking out the ring finger before the rack...I'm getting old
I do remember getting hit in the face by an ugly one because she thought I was blowing on her butthole.
I'm not sure any amount of coworker judgement will keep me from eating oatmeal with dinosaur eggs.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
It was like an ecstasy filled massage for my vagina.
That's the best compliment I have ever received.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
I forgot to pack a bra for work today...you would not believe the extremes i've had to go through in order to keep these nips from my coworkers
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
EX BOYFRIEND'S TWINS WERE BORN TODAY. THIS CALLS FOR A MARG.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
What kind of friend would I be if I didn't make you hate things you once loved?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
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