i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
Yes, do intervene. Unless it involves cowboys with loud trucks and hard 9 inch dicks. Then just come back for me in the morning.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
I spent half an hour sculpting my pubes into a perfect triangle of really short hair, and the first thing he said when he saw it was "Don't you think you need a shave?"
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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