I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I feel like I'm in a bed a bagels and mistakes.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
