I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I told him he could fuck me in his Notre Dame jersey if they won and he never texted back. What is this world coming to
He does have a nice smile. I also like to think he has a nice penis, but that's just a prediction.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Randomize
