So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
she wouldn't stop crying, so we sang her to sleep. i'm guessing you will find her in the same position by the toilet in the morning. night.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
Sex followed by chicken and waffles... Hands down my favorite morning plans. Count me in.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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