So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just picked up an ounce of keif and if it goes to waste before the world ends I'm gonna haunt the shit out of somebody when we all die.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
Im part way to drunk.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
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