Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
the chick doesn't look like she's put anything in her mouth for weeks other than his dick.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
And people are going to start dressing like that in public, it's just ridiculous, the goths and now the GAGAs
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
theres a turtle on the table. helping me eat my ramon noodles.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
Randomize
