I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
there are not enough nopes in the world for that situation.
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
Bitch got stabbed in the eye. With a fork. Wait for it... At church. I was the only one at a party interested in her story. Only in the south
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
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