i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
This guy at the party just introduced himself to me as "the guy who sat behind you on a plane last year"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
Sorry about sucking tonight. Drunk truck fucking is apparently not my strong point.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
No. More. Tequila. Even the hot dog guy felt bad for me and you know that guy has seen some crazy shit.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
Randomize
