Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
Hey! Welcome back! How was the bachelorette in Vegas?
A safari of penis I hurt to the core
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
Would it be playing god to put spaghetti on my pizza?
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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