you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
he said that weed should be legal but that particular bong shouldn't be. i stared at a clock for an hour and a half after i ripped. so logically, i completely agree.
his roommates said i can move in if i promise to only drink tequila the rest of the semester. challenge accepted.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I almost got on a bus to Langley Air Force Base. 99% sure that's not where I wanna be.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Randomize
