Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
We need to buy some popsicles so we can remind ourselves we're good at this.
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
I can't wait til I'm a real grown up and am no longer expected to take 7 shots of raspberry ruby as a pregame to a night of drinking natty lite
She needs sedatives and a leash
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
His nipple licking is glorious
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