Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Randomize
