Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
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