I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
Two penises later: I might be straighter than I think.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
Last thing I remember clearly was, "ok, but if we're are gonna get drunk before class, there's no half-doing this"
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
don't worry, i'm not mad. i'm just angry. and furious. and about to set your ass on fire.
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
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