Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
not to be a dick but do you remember the names of all your friends i made out with after we broke up?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Ah, Christ. I just saw a D lister I made out with once on a Rock Of Love rerun. Why are you asleep right now? Some weird shit is happening.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
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