Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Yeah, you gave me a condom that I 100% coulda used, then an hour later you basically beat the shit out of me and physically took it from my pocket.
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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