my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
drugs are my only escape from this reality. good thing I got it at a discount price last night
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
when I came to get Jamie there was a cop standing outside with her, made me roll down my window to tell me "she's got to go cause she won't keep her shirt buttoned"
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
Seriously though, passing out on the police station floor must have been priceless!
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
Randomize
