I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
Woke up with a bed full of sand...care to explain?
Isnt is self explanatory?
Randomize
