explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
Being high is an amazing excuse. I was using him for the potential of a beret, come on. I'd do that sober.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Cocaine is ok on a cleanse, right?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
THAT'S MY GIRL
KICKING BUT AND GETTING PEOPLE INTOXICATED
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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