nut hugger
the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Im watching someone hooking up in the library
procrastination at its finest
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
my window is missing, there is half a pizza jammed into the disk slot of my PS3, and the entire kitchen floor is covered in cerial i cant see any wood floor. did we have fun?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Laying in bed naked is fun. I now see why guys love boobs... They're sooo bouncy! This long distance relationship is really killing my sex life.
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