he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
i was drinking at the bar last night with a guy with no bottom teeth, wearing zubas and a polka dotted hat. if that isn't the definition of wisconsin, i dont know what is
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
Do you remember the guy that smelled like hot dogs?
This whole Rob and Chyna drama is giving me trust issues. I'm about to text my ex and be like if you haven't already deleted my nudes, can you?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
