Your dad touched me again.
Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
I've been emailing with a woman. I don't think she's into me, but we've become sorta email buddies. I'm hoping to meet her because on her profile she states she's into 'fisting.' Frankly the thought kinda freaks me out but I'm dying to see what kind of woman is 1) into that and 2) admits it upfront.
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
laying on floor next to bathroom with vent on to give myself comfort and remind me that im not going deaf. what did i smoke?
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
