the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
