I fell asleep next to my cousin and woke up with my hand in her pants because i though it was lisa
anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Oh. My. God. You texted my mom "IM BACK BITCHES!"
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
You're like my little fucked up version of the groundhog seeing its shadow, only it's boobs and warm weather.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
Randomize
