Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
I seem to have forgotten that I am wearing a one piece bathing suit under my clothes
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Randomize