dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
thats the sluttiest christmas spirit ever.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I caught myself flirting with clients today. Someone needs to take me to pound town before I self destruct. This is a code red. I repeat code red.
I love 4am trips to the ER. I feel so responsible for actually making it all the way here.
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
