i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
i think i have two assholes
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I tried to break it off with the married one. He offered to pay off my car.
The side bitch struggle is real.
If I don't quit picking up guys when I'm drunk, I'm going to need a vagina transplant.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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