yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
That's the point of day drinking, get fucked up by 6pm so you can get stuff done the next day. It's the adult thing to do.
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
I am. I woke up on someone's front lawn dressed as max Payne also be proud.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
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