I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I'd risk everything I own for 10 min naked with her, 2 would be sex and the rest me crying like a little girl.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
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