Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I may or may not be negotiating a deal of baked goods for socks...keep you posted
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
I got myself off in the shower last night for the first time ever! I just looked like I was playing a game of twister.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
