I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Dont ask, hes out back rolling around in the yard freaking out. literally just had a 15 minute conversation, only word i could make out was "yellow"
He left his own bachelor party to bring me weed. Then smoked with me. Tell me I'm not his favorite-ex-friends-with-benefits.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
He showed me a picture of his baby hamsters and I called them "Mammal McNuggets"
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Randomize
