what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you were passed out snoring, face down with all your clothes still on and 20 minutes later you sat up and said "FUCK YES" and then passed out again.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
I'm like the Mother Theresa of booty calls.
if creating a fake 8 year old brother, who lives with me and has had mono for the past month, to explain why I have ignored my group project members is wrong, then I... well then I'm probably going to hell
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
How's dating the med student working out for you?
After we had sex last night he showed me where my spleen was.
A true anatomy project.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
So I'm never gonna get to see you again?
Hopefully.
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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