I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
The night is not complete until I am drnk and speaking to inanimate objects
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
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