....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
I'm totally counting that party when he kept putting his hands down my pants as a date.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
Obviously a higher power wants us to be sunday drunk together
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
Do you think Brian would let me smoke while we fuck? I'm not sure ill survive exams without a constant nicotine intake
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
The woman in the flower onesie is claiming she hasn't been drinking.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
Randomize
