i'm sleeping with myself tonight because i remember my name and i won't regret it in the morning. sorry.
He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
why is my forehead so bruised?
i found you outside knocking on the door with your head because you couldn't lift your arms.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
i found waldo and immediately set him to work eating me out. please have more out of season costume parties.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
