I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
operation harelip BJ is a go
the recent google searches were "were can i buy a porn horse, why does my heart hurt after drinking, and orlando's teen night..." your thought process perplexes me
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
I wonder if Paul and Andy realize how lucky that they are that we're too lazy to start fucking other dudes so we just stick with them
No actually you're a pro. You puked on the cab ride, and managed to completely contain it in your purse. the cabbie was even impressed.
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
Randomize
