I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
No our divorce decree will not have a blow job clause. Unless my alimony is greatly increased your bj's have been reduced to fantasy status.....
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Its like my group of friends and I are all dating and we're all just a bunch of Swingers, is that normal?
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
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