Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
You brought out the iron board layed it on the ground in the middle of everyone and passed out for the night
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
