My girlfriend figured out who you are.
I miss your penis. And I totally say this as a friend. I just miss it because it's great. You should be very proud of it.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Tbh I fell asleep cuddling a bag of Brazilian nuts. Franzia never dissappoints me
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
It was sweet, he carried me out of my bathroom after I passed out, built me a pillow fort so I wouldn't roll out of bed, set a glass of water on the table, and brought me a mixing bowl to puke in. Totally a sign we're more than just fuckbuddies.
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
Randomize
