Honey, If i waited till marriage I wouldnt know what a dick tasted like.
isnt it creepy that our bodies make people
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Randomize
