i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
The effect you have on my penis from a different state is impressive
You slid down the wall and got into the fetal position. He was definitely judging... I was judging....
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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