We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
You should've come out last night, I need someone to explain why the bartender tried to strangle me...
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I am going to tweet NASA until they put me into space
Those rocketship riding assholes need the common man
I need a life alert for his random dick pics. My heart can't handle that.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Being high is definitely not the perfect addition to this family dinner. No. My grandma trips me the fuck out.
Randomize
