your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
I wish i could make my toaster dance like they do in the second ghostbusters. But i dont have ectoplasmic goo. Or a toaster.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
I need to stop sleeping with republicans and cowboys fans.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You punched me in the face while blackout. 20 min later I told you I'd been punched in the face and you yelled 'by who, imma go kill 'em!'
Randomize
