Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
I have eleven tally marks and an infinity sign drawn on my wrist in permanent marker. Senior bar crawl stole my liver.
I don't think so, think I've only met him once, the night I lost my teeth
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
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