Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I'm so hungover i just sang the alphabet to see if "Z" comes after "W"
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
She has no definite jawline and all of her photo's have Ke$ha quotes as captions followed by a "<3" Even by your standards that is embarrassing.
I'm skipping the 'hey, how are you, I have to pick up something pointless at your apartment' excuse and just telling you I'm coming over to fuck.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
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