i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
just did awkward shuffle by the bagels in the dining hall at 7:30 AM with a kid i've hooked up with. goodbye freshman year.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
i dont even feel safe using a push mower...that hungover
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
Totally forgot Mike has only one ball. Is it sad I'm excited to see it? Or shall I say the lack of it?
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
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