She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Sometimes the most spiritual fucking thing to do is punch somebody in the face.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
