just thought you should know that she got home at about 6am.... totally wasted. she was locked out and when i finally came to the door she was on a patio across the street with some random making hotdogs on somebodys elses bbq.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Bro what are you doing Thursday the day before I go to jail??
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
When you accidentally text the wrong guy for a dick pic and your surprised you get one In return. He just got on my "to do" list
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
