I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you would pick up someone in the library
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
i just need to find someone who enjoys eating frozen waffles as much as I do. It will be perfect.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
Randomize
