You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
Note to self: never do anything I don't want to explain to a paramedic
you know it's the perfect hook up when you don't have any friends in common with his girlfriend on facebook.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
I'd tell u there's strippers to make you get here faster, but that would be a blatant lie... There's strippers here.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Isis wins if we don't have the loudest, kinkiest sex in every part of my house tomorrow
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
