the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
We're friends with people in his circle of friends so we're half way in. It's like I've already given him a hand job.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
Honestly I don't even have room for feelings after that Taco Bell
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
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