I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
She volunteers at a homeless shelter. You volunteered to drink 7 day expired milk for $3. No chance. Give up.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
