For the record dan just proved he knows the first and last names of ALL the members of NSync. Jury is no longer out on his sexuality.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
You were a path of destruction, you started with eating half the cake, proceeded by throwing the rest in the sink and dumping water all over it while laughing... then throwing the drunk helmet across the room yelling that you didnt want to wear it... i'd say it was a successful birthday.
Dude, I think shitting blood should be a cause for concern not celebration that you had a great night.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Sooo a reasonable response to someone eating my lunch is to set the place on fire right?
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
Randomize
