: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Randomize
