I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
