I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
My balls are about to become a huge part of your mouth's life
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
